Are you a wounded healer?

The following is based on one of The Covenant Group’s clients. All of the names and telling details have been changed.

Which weight-loss expert do you think will be more successful? One who has been fit and thin all their life? Or someone who battled a weight problem and has overcome it? You know the answer, of course. Richard Simmons has been perhaps the most successful weight-loss guru ever, and aside from brilliant marketing, and business acumen, the key to his success lied in his own personal struggle with weight and his ability to connect with people who have weight problems. Most weight-loss experts, successful or not, have personal experience with weight issues. The same phenomenon is true in financial services. Most advisors have dealt with or are still dealing with their own struggles with financial issues. Some have learned how to leverage their personal experience and grow thriving practices; others have let their personal experience hinder their potential. Kurt fell into the latter category.

As Kurt put it, “I’ve been in this business 36 years, but I have had one year’s experience thirty six times.”

For ten years Kurt’s annual income had stalled out at $150,000. He asked us for help prospecting and marketing, but we sensed there was a deeper issue. During coaching sessions, we discovered that Kurt had a large second mortgage on his home, personal credit card debt, and an overextended business line. We also learned that Kurt grew up with a father who had similar problems. Kurt’s dad was a commissioned salesman who struggled to make ends meet; and Kurt was obviously replicating the pattern he had grown up with.

We said to Kurt, “Many advisors we know chose this business unconsciously as a way of working out deep-seated issues concerning finances. In Greek mythology, we get the story of the wounded healer, in which the healer, to heal himself, must heal others. This powerful concept has a lot of relevance to being an advisor.

“Kurt,” we said, “we can teach you prospecting strategies, but the way to your success lies in embracing the wounded healer concept. The first step is to recognize the unconscious patterns of behaviour that are causing you to perpetuate the struggles of your father. You then need to change those behaviours, and use your experience to connect with others to help heal them.

“Paul, another advisor we work with, runs one of the most successful firms in your state. One of his promotional strategies is concept lunches. A lot of advisors use the concept lunch strategy, but few as successfully as Paul. Paul begins his lunch by telling the story of why he came into the business. The story he tells is a personal account of growing up in a broken home and how this affected his life, specifically his ability to handle finances properly. He had spent years conquering a habit of wild spending and crazy investing. After telling this story at a recent lunch, Paul invited his guests to introduce themselves. The next person who spoke, instead of simply stating their name and job title, told their own story about raising a special needs child and the impact this had on their financial and personal lives. Other guests followed with their own stories. Paul had changed the tone of the event from a stiff, formal gathering to an open atmosphere where people could connect and share human experiences.”

Kurt said, “Most of my prospects and clients are no better than I am when it comes to financial issues, but I’ve always been too embarrassed about my situation to connect with them the way Paul has.”

The wounded healer concept revolutionized Kurt’s business. Over the course of the next year, Kurt began to take responsibility for his own financial health, wellbeing, and think and act differently. His whole demeanour changed. He began to connect with prospects and clients at a much deeper and more meaningful level; and they started introducing him to high quality prospects. His pipeline swelled. At the end of the year, his income was close to a quarter of a million dollars.

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The Covenant Group is referred to by many as where entrepreneurs go to become Business Builders. They are considered to be thought leaders and authors of the best-selling books, The 8 Best Practices of High-Performing Salespeople, The Entrepreneurial Journey, and The Business Builder.